he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
