dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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