sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
