remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just cropdusted the office
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
