he told me I talked like a deaf person
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
