so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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