My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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