shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
