She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
