How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
