I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
