Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
