I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
