Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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