We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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