My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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