i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think my moral compass just broke
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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