He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My vagina is very pro this idea
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