god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
