I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
