If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize