Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
