i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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