I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
