We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
