She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
