I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
