Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
