Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
