He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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