i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
