If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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