He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize