i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
