I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize