Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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