WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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