How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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