i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
