Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
