Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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