Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
