I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
