If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
