We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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