U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
