Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Who died my cat blue again?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
