I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
