lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
