his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize