so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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