Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm at about main and main street
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
