Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
