i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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