this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
