so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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