I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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