i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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