turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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