A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
