you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
