There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
