i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize