i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
