Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
