Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize