Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
