as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
