I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
