Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
