The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
