Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
