She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
