I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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