Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
