I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
