my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
