She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
