I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
