Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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