Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
