I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
bring money and cleavage
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
my poor anus
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
