Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
