we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
