he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
