Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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