she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
