i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize